The importance of the past lives- End

The reply came very quickly. I soaked in every word and a deep sorrow started to fill in my chest and my solar plexus. It was a short message but very profound that affected every cell of all of my bodies. I was told deep down in my subconscious mind, where even I can not see it, I still feel as a lesser person and have fear in accepting my talents and channeling abilities. I felt how I was falling down and all the good feelings I had about myself just vanished. It was as if I was falling in to a deep hole.  He also suggested I should have a past life regression with my dearest friend Jean from the Seattle school and go to the core of this problem.

The message arrived at the same time I was talking to her on Skype so I copied the text for her to see and we scheduled the time for the regression to be done. I honestly could not wait to do it. The days prior to the regression were still filled with this sorrow I felt. I understood all of the emotions I have gone through in some of the situations from the past and although I still did not see the cause of it, I felt as if the veil was removed for me to see the consequences. Finally the day for the regression arrived and I prepared the room by clearing it with the Myrrh I have bought in Jordan 2 years ago. I always loved the scent of the Frankincense and the Myrrh as it always reminded me of the life in Jerusalem and the church.

I felt deeply calm and was not excited or nervous in doing the regression. I knew my friend is going to do a wonderful job and whom better to do it then Jean because she knew me and my path so well. But when she rang and we started to talk I started to feel the fear coming up. I knew it was the fear of my Self, wondering what is going to happen and how this is going to affect my life.

Jean relaxed me very quickly and told me to see a room with many doors. The room was my subconscious mind. She then said to go in front of one door that I should pick and open them. In that moment I felt a strange mixture of emotions. It was a mixture I have never felt before. I started to breathe uneven and felt very cold around my chest area. The doors opened and the first thing I saw were the sharp points on the inside of the doors. They felt very old without any use really. The space behind the door was dark and for the first few seconds I could not see anything. Then slowly I could see an old man sitting on a small chair in front of a small oil lamp. He looked like a hermit but then when I looked closer, I’ve felt he has been imprisoned in to this cell without any window. I knew it was me and I immediately started to cry deeply.

Jean asked why I am in the cell and I knew I was accused of doing something that I did not have done. She then brought me back to the age 30 to see what happened prior to this situation. I saw myself being in the forest surrounded by wonderful huge trees. I felt, respected and loved the nature and was someone who deeply appreciated my gifts of communicating with the Devas. I was a healer and a herbalist in a small village I lived. I also was someone gifted with the ability to get messages from the Spirit. I was kind, pure, innocent and open. The only purpose of my life was to help people and they would kindly repay me in giving me food and things I needed for my life.

Jean then brought me a bit forward to the age of 40 for me to see why I was accused. I saw myself walking and having my hands tided up on my back. I was accused of killing a baby with my herbal tea that I gave to the mother a few days prior to the death. I knew I did not do it and I knew the woman did it herself by putting some poisones herbs in to it as she wanted to get rid of the newborn. A deep sob came out of me when I saw it. And I cried and cried and cried. Me as this man did not say anything as I thought I will be released as people knew who I am but the only thing I could see in the eyes of my friends and other villagers was the hatred and anger with me. I could not believe what they were accusing me for. Nobody suspected in to the woman and I did not say anything in my defense. I just shut down and let them do with me what they’ve wanted. Because I never confessed of doing it, they’ve locked me in a cell without any light where I’ve spent the rest of another 50 years. When the time came to die I saw my guide standing in front of me and being very sad because of what I’ve went through. I myself was completely numb and already half dead and so I have left my body and went home to the Spirit.

I felt so much hatred and anger inside of me and I said to myself I will never going to help the humanity ever again. The only thing they’ve done was using me and when I needed their help, they’ve left me behind. I could feel this vow inside of me when Jean brought me back. I could feel the awkwardness in being in the human body and towards other human beings and I cried and cried. I could not believe what I’ve just experienced and saw. It was such a strong feeling and it could not have been my imagination. You can fake things and imagine this and that, but you can not fake emotions.

During the regression Jean also brought me to the Hall of mirrors where I have seen this life once again and had to see the lesson of it. It was the lesson of standing for myself and speaking my truth. Instead I was so afraid and thought others will speak for me as they knew who I was. But this did not happen as it was my lesson to do. So I finished this life without learning it. I then was brought in to a wonderful rose garden to forgive myself and the others and do the healing on myself. I forgave the old man of what he did and he became a wonderful young man who merged with me and promised to help me on my future path.

Two days passed since this regression and I am still releasing this old, stagnant energy of hatred, anger, fear and awkwardness of the earth plane. I am chanting an affirmation I have written for myself and giving myself space and time to think about everything deeply and truly. Even the purpose of this Blog was to see all the situations I went through since I decided to be of service to the humanity and see it from another perspective.

I could have never guessed that deep down inside there is such a strong vow I have once made that affected all of my decisions and the urge to help people. I understand now why I always felt I did not wanted for the people to come to the readings although I was happy when they’ve called to book one. I now understand this big fear of being rejected, accused and not understood and sometimes the fear someone is going to kill me because of my belief system. I also know now this all happened here in Croatia and this is why I always deep down wanted  to live abroad because I never felt people understand me or accept me here. It is my 5th time of being born in this country and I know now this was the reason.

I could write here so many examples that are crossing my mind. What kept me going was my Higher Self, my Soul and my Helpers from the other side of the veil who had to bring me to this point of understanding. I have chosen to be of help to the Spirit and to the humanity and I will do my best to do it no matter how I feel inside. 

I know it is not over with my clearing. I know there is still much inside as I am entering the second year of my transit Saturn in the 12^th house ( it stays there for 2 ½ years ). Maitreya said I have accomplished 45% of my learning so there is still much to do and to learn but I know I will go through all of it and come out as a wonderful healer and spiritual woman to help everyone who comes in to my energy. And although we all lightworkers, healers and teachers, as we call ourselves, are helping others, first and foremost we are learning to help ourselves on our soul journey. And as further you go the deeper you dig in to your subconscious mind to find out about the things you have never thought you once made or decided to do.

The spiritual path is a very difficult one but when we have chosen to do it, we knew we have the strength, wisdom and the needed help to do it. Otherwise we would not be here where we are.

With Love